It had been the equinox of 2014, when we were lying on a cabin floor somewhere in rural Pennsylvania. A mirror that won't show you the egg on your face doesn't serve as any use.Love shows you the things that you want to change about yourself, and often, you approach that by trying to change things in the person you are dating.There are three possibilities with this mirror. Therapy had managed to heal a lot of the wounds and self-loathing that had made me blind in the first breakup to anything but me.And that is what allowed me to remember, quite clearly, the first time my ex-boyfriend and I had kissed. Mirrors don't always show you what you want to see, but that's a good thing. While some breakups are easier to move past, others are harder to recover from. I wonder what she's doing, who she's talking to, and how she's wearing her hair now.It's funny, because I really didn't know her at all -- not a single personal detail of her life. I was in the kind of therapy where that information isn't shared with patients, and that was a good thing. I could tell you that we had tried until we were tired of trying, or that the mirror had actually shattered when it had fallen away sometime over the summer.I could tell you that we stopped having sex, and I could tell you that, one night, he went to the movies with them instead of me, and boy, did it hurt.But what matters the most, I think, was after it ended for good, and when I was alone in a calmer place somewhere between pain and relief. It can grow with you, and love stays. A lot of people are not thankful enough when they're in a relationship, which is why they … “So, regarding romantic relationships, an anxious attachment style is sometimes characterized by clingy behaviors, anger during a breakup, and/or the inability to get over an ex,” Schroeder says.“Your therapist can help to analyze what went wrong in the relationship,” Dr. Tessina says. “Ask your therapist to help you analyze the types of partners you choose, and how to choose differently,” Dr. Tessina says.Miley also suggests examining how you handled conflict. For instance, you may choose partners who are carbon copies of “Ask: Am I having trouble moving past this because of something in my past,”Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka “Dr. Check with your counselor to make sure they’re trained in couples therapy before you begin the journey with them. “The Instead of wondering when you'll get over someone, it's important to figure out how you'll get there. Be thankful. The first time around, I wasn't so much annoyed at him as I was at her for reminding me.When she told me how I had felt bored and excluded when he just wanted to hang around his house with his loud friends and get drunk, I had insisted that his friends had been my friends, too.When she made it apparent that our habit of excessively drinking together wasn't exactly healthy -- in fact it had harmed me, like that time I got drunk, fell down in the graveyard, and bloodied the entire length of my leg -- I made excuses. She just gave me the tools, strategies, and freedom to clear away the cobwebs I had around love.From our conversations, I began to develop this understanding that there was a reason for lost love, and it honestly, really, didn't have much to do with me at all.I mean it did in a sense — of course it did. "I started going to therapy because I was certain that I was unlovable. We made lists of what we each were looking for and read them aloud to one another.

And when we got back together in August, they were behaviors I realized we had to fix. I just felt dull.I told her that I had dreamed about the three of us, sleeping in a set of bunk beds. When partners are not getting along, they may choose to live in separate locations as they attempt to work through challenges they are experiencing within themselves and within the relationship. You don’t need to wait until you’re about to break up. I continued to text him and took lunch breaks in the bathroom to sob. ""That it's over," I answered. “Ask your therapist to help you determine this.”If you’ve ever noticed that a lot of your exes could be carbon copies of each other, it’s good to figure out why this is, and your therapist can help. It allowed me to speak freely in a space that she held open for me.But still, there was that curiosity, and I have to admit that it lingers. You may try various coping and self-care strategies, from seeing friends more to focusing on something you’ve been meaning to do, like hiking every morning before work. I tell myself that one day, I'll see Charlotte again, on the street or maybe in a cafe.